Oh Happy Day

Sorry for the update being so long but it has two stories combined the negotiations and the engagement sharing Nontobeko and Is experience through two different traditions. Hope you laugh and enjoy it!

LOBOLA DAY

On May 21^st I woke up with an excitement knowing Nontobeko will become my wife (traditionally) in just a couple hours! It didn't feel real though because of my cultural upbringing I wasn't prepared for this besides the advice, and jokes, I had received from fellow South African friends about lobola. Early that morning the A-Team arrived to my house, the representatives that would be present in the negotiations on my behalf. Typically having the people negotiate for you are your uncles and other family members but in my position my family couldn't be there. So my local pastor from Mbonisweni, Lennon and a few others from the church became part of the team. The coolest thing that I learned that morning was when a family cant attend the negotiations the person that replaces them takes their surname and becomes the family. So Sthembiso, my pastor, was telling us that everyone is a Harrington today. That was really special to me. Gods family is so big. These guys took time out of their Saturday for a mulungu (white person) and believed not only in me but Nontobeko and I. Everything was done in the most respectable and honorable way. It was awesome. And even Jeremy and Jen, our leaders of TTH became my parents that day. Thanks mom and dad.

After sorting the money and blessing it by giving the responsibilities to Sthembiso we headed out to the Mokoena house. Pulling up to the house in our cars I began to have butterflies in my stomach as we parked. I was with Mzwandile in a car and we had to stay back and let the Harrington's do their job in negotiating a price. Nontobeko and her parents were even kept in a separate room away from the negotiations. But before anything started inside the house they pulled Nontobeko and her cousin to where the Harrington's were. Sthembiso was asked if he knew which women was Nontobeko and Nontobeko was asked if she knew these people and their surname, which she responded, Harrington. As this was going on Swazi and I were having a good conversation, I was becoming comfortable, laughing and having fun. But in the back of my mind I was hoping everything was going smooth in the house. After about 2 hours in the car I received a message from Sthembiso informing me that the Mokoenas wont go any lower in price. We agreed on the price and negotiations were over. Swazi and I now were able to gather with the rest of the Harringtons.

Walking up to the house was incredibly awkward. As lobola is a huge event, every family member of the bride is going to be there to see the new husband and celebrate. Mainly to celebrate. So as we walk to the house everyone is outside and starring at us. I didn't know what to do. I even turned to Swazi asking if I can smile or not. It wasn't threatening just awkward. We walk past everyone and entered the house where the Harringtons were. With the negotiations finished the Mokoena family prepared food for us and would be the first time to see Nontobeko now as my wife. They say here once you become a wife you dress covered up. Being culturally respectable. So Nontobeko was covered from head to toe. As we were being served our food from Nontobeko and a couple of her cousins everyone was served from Nontobekos cousins but I was served by my lovely wife. If any of the Harringtons needed something they'd ask anyone but Nontobeko. She was mine now! We finished eating and shortly met with the Mokoenas that were in the negotiations finalizing the lobola receipt. Both sides agreeing with everything we shook hands and congratulated.

As the Harringtons were walking to our cars Nontobeko was walking by my side but we both were so nervous I felt like I couldn't even look at her or else a relative of hers would start yelling at me. I thought this process was so serious. We laugh at ourselves about it now. As Pastor was packing up some things to depart from lobola Nontobeko and I quietly stood by each other. He looked at us and after laughing some told us we could hold each other and asked if we wanted a picture. As the picture might show below that is nervous laughing.

Later that night we held a party back at base. It was a night to shake off all those nerves and celebrate!

ENGAGEMENT DAY

A while back when I first came to Sthembiso that I wanted to start negotiations for Nontobeko we also shared our differences how we make steps in getting married. He shared their way, I shared mine. With both quite different we wanted to share each others traditions in this coming process. As South Africa is heavily influenced by the western world getting engaged is becoming more popular but it still takes place after negotiations. Any random day Nontobeko and I talked about Lobola I also shared about what it meant being engaged and she knew it was something I wanted to do after negotiations.

I had it all planed out. June 5^th I would ask her to marry me. Growing up with this tradition I was actually more excited than the morning of Lobola. I AM ASKING HER TO MARRY ME!! I had decided that we would do the engagement at the Lowveld Botanical Gardens in Nelspruit and Laura, just as or even more excited for us, was taking our pictures. I had the original idea to propose to Nontobeko using our photo album, we would update the pages with new pictures from all our adventures and trips and the last few photos would be of the ring. Unfortunately her recent visit to family in KwaZulu-Natal 8 hours away accidentally left it at a relatives house. But going with the same idea, we would continue using the photos.

A couple days before the engagement I told Nontobeko that my family wanted more official pictures of us now that negotiations were finished. I told her all the details that we would go to the gardens and also have photos to sort through for our, now lost, album. As we found a spot to lay a blanket down and begin sorting through the photos I was getting nervous. Nontobeko had one stack of photos and I had another, with photos of the ring at the back. We started with her stack first, looking through at some of the things we've done through this year. We laughed and shared memories. Then it was my stack of photos. My heart started pounding and I was sweating. Laura taking the photos knew what was coming up and she was trying to get in the best position, making me more nervous! Meanwhile this whole time Nontobeko is really enjoying this and having no clue what is about to happen. The pictures below will help you understand a little bit, but we finally get to where I am walking into the jewelry store and gazing at something, the ring. Nontobeko thinks the picture is nice and asking when did I take this. In that moment I was thinking this isn't going as expected. She was very calm and just enjoying this time. The final photo was pulled out, of the ring, and she looked at it confidently saying its beautiful. While shes saying this I am already on my knees holding the ring. My thought was what is going on? For a second I even looked at Laura confused. I took Nontobekos hand for her to look at what I was doing and not focusing on the picture. She saw me kneeling and with the ring. I started sharing some things that I don't remember what I said and finally it clicked for her what was happening.

As we were walking to take more engagement pictures Laura and I asked Nontobeko if she had any idea what was going on. She was clueless and surprised. I guess I should have given her more of a heads up of what an engagement can look like.

Now we look back at both the negotiations and the engagement hysterically laughing at ourselves at how nervous and clueless we were. How in the negotiations we were scared to make any mistake and the engagement being oblivious, nervous and confused. But something came to me while typing this. These events are perfect pictures of what our marriage could be. Two people from two sides of the world with different views, traditions and anything else that could scare us, leave us confused, or just enjoying every minute. We are only just starting a journey that is breaking down walls and barriers.

We thank you for all your prayers and support and I ask that you continue to pray for us as we are scheduled to have our part two of negotiations, July 16, where we will talk about a wedding date and where it can be held at. We have our dreams of having the wedding and reception at a beautiful venue called Umbali just outside of Nelspruit. Pray for favor that the Harrington side can take care of the wedding and that any other negotiating is in good hands.

Any more updates will come soon but in the meantime enjoy these pictures!

Given to the Mokoena family. There's a dress and a suit for the parents of Nontobeko, two blankets, a head scarf for Non as she is serving food and now a grown woman, soda and of course beer.

Oh hey, mom and dad!

The new members of the Harrington family

This is actually a big part in the tradition. The new wife serving for her new husband. It did feel odd though that she had to sit on her knees. But it shows respect. Nothing was to serious though everyone was laughing and giggling.

This was our nervous laugh, can you tell?

The night of the lobola spent with family and friends. Sorry no pictures of us dancing!

The next day on Sunday Pastor Sthembiso announced the success of lobola but it is not just an announcement. I wish you could have heard the songs and seen the dancing. So awesome how they celebrate! And the song that was sang is called tikhongelele ngwananga, which translates pray for yourself my child. Meaning you are grown and have your own responsibilities now as a wife and husband.